I know ‘narcissistic’ is a strong word, but hear me out. High achievers and changemakers often pour their hearts into their careers. But is your career giving back, or is it taking more than it gives?
In my early 30s, I delved deep into understanding narcissism, codependency, and the ‘Dark Triad’ (narcissism, psychopathy, Machiavellianism). I felt it was important to be informed on how to navigate these encounters, as they weren’t uncommon in high-performance environments. I read extensively and even attended CoDA (Codependents Anonymous) meetings.
Here’s what I learned: if you encounter someone (or somewhere) with dark triad traits, it's best to step back, disengage, and reorient. Trying to reform a toxic environment yourself is like placing a brain cell in an acidic Petri dish—you can’t expect it to thrive.
Quick diagnostic:
If your career does any of the following:
Constantly demands more without giving back
Leaves you feeling drained and unfulfilled
Expects perfection while offering little recognition
…it might be eroding your well-being, much like a narcissistic partner.
6 ways to break free
Recognise the signs: See above—are you ignoring the truth and hoping for things to get better with time?
Understand the impact: A narcissistic career can erode your true self and require a long time to recover.
Reflect on progress: Are your interventions and efforts having a meaningful impact, or are you caught in repetitive cycles of hope and disappointment?
Embrace the emotional journey: Create space to release limiting beliefs and stuck tension to make a real breakthrough.
Acknowledge the need for special care: Multicultural experiences and intergenerational trauma often need more specialized approaches than general therapy or coaching.
Seek true fulfilment (within yourself first): Honour what’s true for you, even if it goes against the culture of overwork and past expectations. Know who you are beyond your cultural conditioning.
Legend in the making: This week, a dedicated and sincere doctor - an experienced VP of Medical Affairs in Pharma - was finally able to release the guilt of not being able to fix his toxically competitive environment before they let him go. During our coaching conversation, he realised he had been caught in a high trauma-low trust field beyond his control. With this new awareness, he is now ready to find a better home for his talents.
Just like a narcissistic partner, a toxic career environment is unlikely to change. Don’t waste time fighting it or trying to save it (why would you invest your precious energy into a bottomless drain?). Instead, find a way to serve a bigger vision without compromising your Self. Your superpower? Your still, calm inner core. This internal sanctuary will make you impervious to manipulation and activate the ‘a-ha’ insight you need to carve a new path forward.
You need space to hear the truth; and that truth will set you free.
Have a great week,
Amina
P.S. Looking for a podcast episode this week? It was a pleasure to be on The Possibility Club Podcast, where the host asked me many thought-provoking questions across Public Health and Transformational Coaching. Here are a few if you’re curious:
What is Transformational Leadership and what is Public Health?
How did you transition from a medical career to becoming a transformational coach?
How do you define success if status and money don't matter so much?
Why is the public space so polarised?
What kind of leader do we need in a fragmenting world?
Why do Wise Wednesdays readers and clients sometimes resign from their jobs? :)
You can listen to the episode on:
Spotify >>>
Apple Podcasts >>>
Thanks to Richard Freeman for the invitation and his exceptional interviewing skills! If I were to apply for a job again, I believe these are the very questions worth exploring!
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