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  • Amina Aitsi-Selmi

What to do when you don’t know what to do [Wise Wednesdays]

How do you know what to do when you don’t know what to do (especially around big decisions like changing career or life)?

If you’re feeling that way, you’re not alone.

It’s a key theme in transformational coaching and the topic of a few past Wise Wednesdays like this one.

About 70% of coaching conversations start with “I don’t know what to do” especially early on in the coaching process.

Reference points are moving

Milestones have lost their meaning

Confusion may have settled in over a period of time..

But I’ve discovered one important thing that helps me and my clients.

“I don’t know what to do” lives in the same land as another experience:

“I’m scared”.

[Here’s a video on fear-setting (as opposed to goal-setting). An exercise the Stoics used to banish their fears and get unstuck.]

In an exploratory conversation people will say they’ve spent months or years feeling stuck. But nine times out of ten, I’ll draw out what it is that the person really wants to do within an hour.

Is that because I can read minds? Not at all.

If you let someone talk in a safe space and have a transformational (not an informational) conversation, what they really want just comes out.

The fear of saying it out loud no longer interferes.

Then the work is about helping them to:

  • honour what they know they know,

  • removing the clusters of limiting beliefs that fog their vision as they move forward, and

  • holding them accountable to what they know.

Doing this week after week, their world changes and things fall into place.

Legend in the making: There was a time when ex-WHO advisor Jana felt stuck as to what to do next. She had just taken a leap out of a prestigious 9-to-5 job and moved back to the USA with her family. Things looked overwhelming. I coached her on her sense of knowing and trusting her intuition, slowing down to speed up, and she found her path with more ease and less struggle. In her own words:

“I’ve been able to deliver on things that I thought previously were impossible or didn't see the 'how to'. I've been able to set up and give some stability to the kids at home, secured the New York tech firm consultancy into a full-time remote working job, and as of March we have been living in the Caribbean.”

Transformational Coaching isn’t magic. But it can feel magical.

Fear is the illusion.

You know that.


Other ways, I can help you transform your career and grow your impact:

  1. Get the How to Break Free from Imposter Syndrome and Toxic Work Culture mini-guide [Download here]

  2. Join the next WWW [Wise Wednesdays Webinar]: Conversations on Uncertainty and finding your ground. We’ll be talking imposter syndrome: how it acts as a defence against uncertainty and gets in the way of speaking up, transforming your career, and growing your impact. [Date tba].

  3. Find out about the next round of Presence Power Possibility: Advance Your Leadership group coaching programme [Join the waitlist]

  4. [Fully booked for now] Get support 1:1 with me as your coach, when you’re ready to invest in tailor-made support to transform your career and make your highest contribution by defining your vision, learning to communicate your message, and designing a way of working on our terms.

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