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Amina Aitsi-Selmi

The cost of looking good. [Wise Wednesdays #365]

In Victorian times, it was fashionable to build ornate structures in gardens called follies. These architectural features served no real purpose other than to enhance the landscape or impress guests. While they looked good, they often required significant resources to build and maintain, all without offering any practical benefit.



[Photo: A medieval ruin? An ancient civilisation remnant? No! It's a Victorian Folly made of concrete faux-stone. Sydenham Hill Wood, London.]


Today, we might not build follies, but we often do something similar with our personal boundaries—compromising on them to “look good”, please others, or assuage guilt and anxiety about not being perfect.


  • Saying yes when you really want to say no.

  • Agreeing to things you don’t have the energy for.

  • Taking on too much, even when you're already exhausted.


Like follies, compromising your boundaries might bring a temporary glow or even a dopamine hit. But over time, it drains your energy and can lead to superficial or misguided relationships - a real folly!

[n.b. What are boundaries? The riverbanks that guide your flow of attention and energy.]

Instead of building these metaphorical “follies,” what if we used our resources—our time, energy, and emotions—more wisely? What if we honored our boundaries to build stronger, more authentic connections with ourselves and others?


Reflection: Where are you trying to "look good" at the cost of your own well-being? What would it feel like to hold firm to your boundaries, even if it means not looking perfect? What’s the worst that could really happen?


Have a great week,

Amina


p.s. Ready to uplevel your boundaries? Join me for the next Leaders Circle: Boundaries Revisited: Stay Sane, Strengthen Relationships, Lead with Integrity. Get your free spot here >>

p.p.s. I recently discussed breaking norms with three other unconventional coaches on the Beyond Hegemony podcast. You can listen here.


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