Breaking through the wall of fear: don’t wait too long [Wise Wednesdays]

August 8, 2019

How do you know when to leave your job or change your life?

 

I had an exploratory coaching conversation with an engineering executive recently who’d planned an elegant and detailed exit from corporate life. But he had a difficult time activating the plan...

 

I asked him what was stopping him?

 

He realised: nothing.

 

But he hesitated. He wanted to think about it a bit more. I could sense the wall of fear rearing itself between him and his dream.

 

A few days later, his company was restructured and he was offered an unexpected exit. He told me it was a shock. 

 

What should he do next?

 

 

Are you living in your default future or a created future?

 

I was reminded of this important question by my coach at a 3 day coaching intensive.

 

Your default future is the result of your blind spots driving your actions. For example, you might be seeking belonging in all the wrong places, leading an ineffective team.

 

Your created future is the result of choices you can make after illuminating your blind spots. You’re free to make bold decisions.

 

Most people will never live a created future.

 

Why?

 

Because facing your blind spots - the unknown unknowns - can be painful. 

 

When you try, a wall of fear often shows up and you get distracted. It’s also known as fear of change. (It’s deep work and it’s one of the most satisfying things I help people do.)

 

At best, it’s like ripping off a band aid. At worst, it’s like losing a loved one. And it can be extremely disorienting.

 

But what’s the alternative?

 

“Most people lead lives of quiet desperation.” Thoreau

 

Not facing your blind spots, means you’re locked in your comfort zone and living an elaborate fantasy to justify it.

 

If you procrastinate long enough, sometimes, life intervenes…

 

…like for my friend the engineering executive.

 

But the truth is that he was on his way out all along. He just thought he wasn't ready. In fact, he wrote a month later to say how happy he was sailing and being with family.

 

The truth is you don't have to feel completely ready. You probably never will.

 

And you don’t have to wait for life to push you through the wall of fear.

 

You see, the wall was an illusion in the first place.

 

Have a great week,

 

Amina

Coach to rebels

Wanna talk? Email me.

 

 

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