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  • Amina Aitsi-Selmi

When nothing works [Wise Wednesdays]

There are dead ends in life. And then there are apparent dead ends. These are in fact twists in the path, roadblocks that need diligent and focused but malleable persistence.

I go through one every 2 years or so in my business. Nothing seems to be working and I start to slow down and zoom out.

It’s at these points that some things need to be let go of and new ones welcomed.

It’s scary and vulnerable. But absolutely necessary to success.

It’s how I made it to 6 years and not 2.

Photo: Enjoying a new season


The key to not getting stuck in an apparent dead end is recognising where you are in natural Cycles of Change which I talk about in The Success Trap: Why Good People Stay in Jobs They Don’t Like and How to Break Free

(You can access the chapter on change cycles here:

You see, there are often two forces keeping you stuck:

- something you’re holding on to (a relationship, a situation, a role) and

- something you’re avoiding (a difficult conversation, an uncomfortable situation or a loss of some kind).

As a result, confusion, procrastination and eventually burnout set in.

The challenge when you’re your own boss (either because you own your business or you choose to live with that mindset) is that you have to be more finely tuned to these Cycles of Change – a career leap, a business pivot, a relationship transformation - and honour them

- even in the face of raised eyebrows,

- even in the face of puzzled looks

- even in the face of plain discouragement and criticism.

Here are 3 principles and 3 questions I use for myself and when I coach that might help you if you’re in the grey zone of change:

1) Presence: drop repeatedly into the calm, infinitely resourceful, aware core within

2) Power: engage with, dismantle and silence limiting beliefs and negative voices in my head to replace them with new perspectives and empowering beliefs

3) Possibility: take small risks and play with opportunities to discover what the new thing will be. This can lead to small insights that build on each other or one big flash!

Three questions I check in with regularly, especially in the grey zone of change:

1) What am I avoiding/resisting?

2) What’s the worst that can happen?

3) Who do I become when I let go of resistance?

What you want is closer than you think. But it requires a little willingness to face something you might be avoiding.

Take some time to look inside.

What are you finally willing to let go of?

Have a great week,


p.s. Are you planning to take a big leap or create a greater impact through work you’re truly called to do? Are you done with procrastination and ready for inspiration? Then do this:

1) Read through the How We Work section for the three coaching options you can choose from.

Please, note that an exploratory conversation does not guarantee that I will offer you a coaching programme. While the exploration will be valuable to you no matter what, I work with a limited number of people who I believe I can truly help and who are doing work that makes a difference in the world. If you’re not sure, you’ll know when you complete the coaching questionnaire when you book a conversation.)

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